I recently obtained a copy of Dynamite with a Laserbeam: Queen as Heard Through The Meat Grinder of Three One G (Various Artists). Three One G is an alternative record label that operates out of San Diego, and as you would expect, is the stable to many of the artists on this record.  As the title suggests, it features covers of Queen songs by various artists (16 of ‘em).

 

Now, I’ve always been a bit ambivalent about cover versions. I’m of the school of thought that a cover version should sound nothing like the original, otherwise, all you’re really doing is high-class karaoke. You’ll be pleased to know then, gentle reader, that your intrepid writer can report that many of these songs sound nothing like the originals or at least twist them into grotesque mirror images. 

The Blood Brothers set things off with a surf -punk version of Under Pressure, before Get Hustle’s drunken jazz take on Another One Bites the Dust.  From here on in, things get a little more interesting and extreme. Indeed, one thing that’s apparently obvious from a quick scan of the tracks, is that the obvious choices of Queen hits are eschewed in favour of more obscure album tracks. Thus Asterisk* give us their take on Ogre Battle, which very much sounds as if the ogres gave up battling, ate the band, and decided to play the instruments themselves.

The Oath provide a nihilistic version of We Are The Champions and do for it, what Sid Vicious did for My Way, but with considerably more aplomb. Go Go Go Air Heart give Death on Two Legs a suitably lo-fi rendition, while Upsilon Acrux treat Bicycle Race to a curious, instrumental experiment.  Sinking Body provide the first of many tracks which are completely unrecognisable in their wholly original industrial interpretation of Who Needs You, which ticks all the boxes for me by being almost as far from the original as you might want to get.

The Freddie Mercury penned The Fairy Feller’s Master Strokemay seem little more than pastoral whimsy, all be it with a gay subtext, however Glass Candy’s version is a superior one, and one of the best tracks found here. The fairy glade is replaced by the altogether shabbier, rain-drenched backstreet of an unknown city, where pimps, prostitutes, and drug-dealers lie in wait for the unwary providing escapes into darker fantasies.  Next up are the excellent The Locust who deal with Flash’s Theme in around 56 or so seconds running time and do so with considerably more attack, urgency and excitement than in the original.

Now, those of you still paying attention will probably agree that it takes some balls to attack the operatic bombast of Bohemian Rhapsody.  Weasel Water makes a game attempt, however the awfulness of the original still shines through. The Spacewurm fare better with Vutan’s Theme (sic). Indeed the sound effects of the original are married to a grungy, electronic reworking that evokes a bio-chemical attack rather than Brian Blessed in a pair of speedos, showing off his big helmet and shouting a lot.  Continuing on an electronic theme Fast Forward offer a wholly joyous cover of Crazy Little Thing Called Love.

There’s something extremely satisfying about The Convocation Of’s version of Get Down Make Love.  While almost conventional in spirit, it embues the track with an altogether seedier atmosphere.   Of course the good thing about it is Freddie’s double-entendres which here, remain intact. Mind you, for that very reason, I’ve always wondered why The Eagles of Death Metal never covered this one.  Bastard Noise don’t so much as steam-roller Lily of the Valley so much as nuke the valley, encase the valley in concrete, and nuke it all over again.  I’m more than impressed that they heard this (well, let’s admit it) gentle love ballad and thought. “We can make over three minutes of noise here!” It’s terrific. If you are a Queen fan I would suggest that this version will be as shocking to you, as say, stepping on a cat’s tail is to a cat.

I’d not heard of Tourettes Lautrec before (they get bonus points for the name), but they do Killer Queen proud by turning a self-conciously bohemian and urbane song into something altogether more angsty and spiky.  The final word goes to my old favourites Melt Banana who provide delicate Japanese female vocals over the deep bass throb of We Will Rock You, before the song destroys itself in a blizzard of feedback and distortion. Most satisfying.

Of course, It’s very easy to take the piss out of Queen. They are rock and roll royalty after all. However I get the feeling that many of these tracks may well have been prepared with a love of the originals in mind.  And let’s not forget, certainly under the aegis of Brian May and Roger Taylor we were given the proto-punk of Modern Times Rock ‘n’ Roll, and Sheer Heart Attack.  Without doubt Dynamite with a Laserbeam breathes new life into old favourites – and there’s not a big gay moustache anywhere in sight!